


When I need a hand to hold

by judyannhale



Series: Home to you [1]
Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: After S2, Deep?, F/F, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, a bit of jen's insecurities, coming out? ig, conversations they needed to have, respecting!! boundaries!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25027300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/judyannhale/pseuds/judyannhale
Summary: Judy smiles. “Well, there’s always something to love about everyone,” she shrugs.“Yeah, maybe if you’re a fucking angel,” Jen says, taking another sip to finish off her glass before putting it down on her bedside table.“Or if you’re someone who’ll take any morsel of attention, even if it’s abusive.”
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Series: Home to you [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814383
Comments: 4
Kudos: 109





	When I need a hand to hold

**Author's Note:**

> helloooo I haven't actually posted anything I've written in years so sorry if this is bad but I thought of a few nice bits of dialogue for them and here we are.  
> Hope u like it and there might be a part 2 if I get the motivation to write it :)

“Hey, are you okay?” Judy opens Jen’s bedroom door to find her sitting on the bed, motionless, her eyes glazed over. Jen blinks, snapping out of her deep thoughts.

“Not really,” she says, too tired to bother lying.

Judy’s heart melts as she goes to sit beside her. “Today got to you?”

“Yeah. I guess.” It was officially one year since Ted had died. It had been a relatively normal day - the boys had school and Jen and Judy had to work. Lorna’s grand commemoration wasn’t until that Sunday. Still, they were all very much aware of it.

“What are you thinking?” Judy asks.

“Nothing. I'm just empty,” Jen explains, staring straight ahead.

“Oh, Jen.” Judy says, crestfallen for her. She reaches out to hug her, but Jen goes tense.

“Not right now, Judy.” She doesn’t even know why, she just suddenly knows she can’t deal with that kind of physical contact.

Judy sits back, dejected, until Jen reaches to grab her hand. Still looking straight ahead, she holds on tight. Judy smiles.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” She offers.

“You are helping, Jude, being here,” Jen says, and she means it. Hearing that makes Judy’s heart leap, so she stays with her and they sit together in silence.

After a while, Judy retreats downstairs to fetch wine and a couple of glasses - for which Jen is grateful. They watch TV together until the facts of life reruns end for the night, and then they end up in deep conversation about anything except for what that day meant. Judy does more of the talking than usual and Jen’s grateful for that too. 

“I think I fall in love with everyone I ever meet. A little bit, at least. Then if I get to know someone then sometimes it turns into loving them more and more,” Judy explains, taking another sip from her glass. 

“And when I was younger I thought I must be some kind of freak, cause it was the exact same with boys and girls and no one else really got that and eventually I just started ignoring it cause I hated it.” She’s never really talked about this to anyone before. She hasn’t tried in a very long time, and when she did it didn’t exactly go down well. But now it’s different - some combination of her trust in Jen and the fact that they’re nearly through the night’s second bottle of wine is making it feel easy. 

“But when I went out with Michelle,” Judy turns to face Jen. “You were the first person who didn’t make a big deal out of it or make me feel like there’s something wrong with me,” she says with a sad smile.

“Jude, there is nothing wrong with you,” Jen assures her. She takes her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as she notices a hint of rage inside her at the thought of anyone making Judy feel that way. “Fuck, you might actually be  _ the _ perfect human.”

Judy laughs doubtfully at that.

“You fall in love with everyone?” Jen asks. “I just hate everyone and let them work their way back to neutral.”

Judy smiles. “Well, there’s always something to love about everyone,” she shrugs.

“Yeah, maybe if you’re a fucking angel,” Jen says, taking another sip to finish off her glass before putting it down on her bedside table.

“Or if you’re someone who’ll take any morsel of attention, even if it’s abusive.” Jen’s almost shocked to hear her bring that up. She stares down at her lap awkwardly. “It’s like I get off on it or something,” Judy continues.

“I’m sorry Judy, that was a really shitty thing to say,” Jen admits, reminded of how disgusted she is by her past self.

“It’s true,” Judy shrugs again.

“No it’s not,” Jen says back quickly, turning to face her. “It was fucking mean, and I was angry-”

“It wouldn’t have hurt if it wasn’t true,” Judy reasons, taking Jen’s hand to stop her talking. She hadn’t brought it up to demand an apology, after all. It was just one of those things that had bounced around her head ever since their argument, and the alcohol had finally set it free.

Jen won’t accept that as an answer, though. She takes Judy’s hand between both of hers. “Judy, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said it. And if the biggest flaw I can find about you is that you love too much then you’re doing a hell of a lot better than me.”

“Really?” Judy asks with wide eyes and a hopeful smile.

“Yeah really.” Jen squeezes her hand and lets Judy pull her into a hug. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Judy pulls back from the hug just slightly so she can see Jen’s face. She plants a kiss on her forehead and Jen looks up at her, just the tiniest hint of fear in her eye - fear of what she already knows is bubbling up inside her. Judy meets her gaze, sees the momentary glance down to her lips, and her palm finds its way to Jen's cheek. It waits there for a moment before her thumb brushes across her lips. 

Jen's eyes are beautifully wide but she leans in and suddenly what she's imagined over and over is happening. And it's nothing like she imagined - it's fast, and a bit wet, and Jen instantly panics. Maybe it's different with girls. Maybe she got it wrong. But she locks eyes with Judy - those deep eyes that tell her everything’s okay - and they kiss again, this time not so softly. Judy means it as she climbs to kneel over Jen's lap and one of her hands slips between her neck and the headboard. Their kisses become deeper, breathless, as one of Judy’s hands finds itself grasping blonde hair and the other meanders down Jen’s back.

Judy grabs the bottom of her t-shirt but stops at the look of horror that briefly flashes across Jen’s face. She hides it almost immediately but kicks herself as Judy sits back on her heels. Trust her to ruin it.

“Sorry. I didn’t think,” Judy admits.

“No, I'm sorry, I just… I don't have a bra on to sleep, or anything," Jen looks away awkwardly.

"Oh, yeah I know," she replies.

Jen pauses, worried she'll say the wrong thing and Judy will think she doesn't want this, because when she stops to think about it - fuck - she really fucking does. 

"Look, Judy… you don't want to see that," Jen explains, unable to even meet her eyes. Judy's heart breaks a little right there.

"You are so beautiful, Jen. Every inch of you, inside and out." Judy says, meaning every word of it.

"Ew." 

"It's true." Judy gently cups Jen's cheek in her hand. "But I don't need to see it to know that. Only if you want me to."

"I'm sorry." Jen doesn't know what else to say. She's melting at what she just heard but still can't quite let her in. Not yet, anyway.

"Nothing to apologize for," Judy plants another kiss on her head, gently lacing her hand through her hair. “You’re starting to sound like me.”

Jen offers a half-sigh, half-laugh, before looking up at her and kissing her properly. This time it feels right.

"I've never done this before," she says, breaking the kiss and quickly sitting up straight.

"What, with a woman?" Judy asks, sitting back on her heels again.

Jen nods. 

"That's okay," Judy smiles. She’d guessed as much. "If you like… I can show you how it's done?" 

Jen's heart rushes and she smiles back. "Go on then."

Judy kisses her again, slowly moving down her neck. She stops when she gets to her shirt and grabs the bottom, tying it into a knot right on her stomach. Jen can't help but smile. She’s never felt so safe before, or so loved.

"Perfect," Judy says, placing a kiss right on the knot and reaching a hand around Jen's waist. 


End file.
